Saying Goodbye to Foods I Love

Ten days ago I had to change my diet again. I thought I knew all about giving up favorite foods, those foods I crave and could eat any day. But I broke up with more foods last week. I was already in transition-mode, waiting for a doctor to confirm and clarify.

I started seeing a functional medicine doctor this past September. I had pondered the idea for a while so it was time to make it happen. I decided 3 years of just surviving each day was enough. (I’ll tell you more of my story soon.) And this year my food sensitivities have grown worse. I could speculate about food intolerances up to a point.

Because it’s hard to have concrete answers when you’re experimenting on your own.

The goal is to live well, to be healthy as a whole…and I want that to include more energy and fewer worries of reacting to something I put in my body.

The doctor gave me the new diet two weeks ago, but I couldn’t go home and begin immediately. I took four days and called them my “buffer days”. There were a few foods left in the house that I wanted to enjoy before I said goodbye. I needed time to plan future meals and shop at a different grocery store.

So I ate the last of my gluten-free chocolate chip cookies. I drank my fill of coffee with almond milk. I ate egg whites for breakfast or snack. I consumed more bacon in three days than I should have. And I enjoyed a bit of rice pasta with plenty of butter.

This sounds like a terrible way to start taking back my health, but I hadn’t fully given up these things.

Every meal included a last until that Monday when the firsts began.

Monday was the first day…

I didn’t drink coffee in more than two years.

I didn’t have eggs or egg whites for breakfast.

I couldn’t add butter to anything.

I couldn’t rely on homemade hummus for snack.

A lot of things changed and I will tell you the first three days were rough. I don’t know how I made it without sleeping the days away. The hunger was constant and I wondered if this is how I would feel for the next two months.

I cried the first morning. I was overwhelmed and longing for that warm cup of coffee to wake me up. I wanted those foods I had just been tasting the day before. And I didn’t want to take all of the supplements that are meant for my good. I’ve never been great at swallowing pills, but I knew I had to do it. I let out all of my tears and prepared myself for the task.

I could do it. And I did. I found a way because I’ve been determined to regain my health ever since this all began.

Ten days later and I’m already better. I’ve made it through the worst days.

Energy is rising.

Skin is clearing.

Appetite is stable.

And I have new foods I love.

I’m ready to begin a new year. Maybe 2015 is the year when many of my unanswered questions are resolved and I better understand what health means for my body.

For now I will do my part on this journey to healing.

Letting Go of Holiday Dinner Expectations

There are many things to love about the holidays, Thanksgiving and Christmas. The family gathers to celebrate together. But the gathering typically happens around food, a big meal of special dishes. The trouble is this year I can’t indulge in the favorites like I have in the past. Last November I could still have some casseroles. I was only avoiding gluten at the time. A lot can change in one year.

Now I eat most of my meals at home — breakfast, lunch, dinner, and all the snacks in between. Occasionally I will go out to certain restaurants, where I know I can find something delicious and good for my body. Or I will carry food with me. My current diet is limited and it can be hard to explain to people who have no restrictions or strange reactions to “normal” food.

I start by saying, “The top 3 are gluten, dairy, and soy.” Their faces might start to change with a look of shock or unbelief.

I quickly add, “it’s complicated because I have to avoid a bunch of other things too.” I don’t always want to expound on the details. It gets tiring and frustrating, especially if it seems like the person may not understand.

“Well, what do you eat then?”

I’ve heard that response more than once. So I reply, “I mainly stick with meat and vegetables. And eggs. I can also eat rice products for now.” Even that list doesn’t tell you everything because I can’t eat certain vegetables and I didn’t name fruit. It’s on the “avoid” list due to the sugars. My body struggles to maintain a proper glucose level and eating fruits throws it more out of whack.

Lately I have cut out white rice completely and reduced the amount of brown rice foods I consume. More issues.

The ever-changing list of things I react to is hard to keep up with in my own house. It really is a constant experiment.

How can I explain this well and invite others to understand?

How can I let go of expectations I may have in mind?

How can I be gracious and not grow defensive?

If someone constantly throws questions my way and implies the food intolerances are rather extreme, I get anxious to make myself heard. Understood. Accepted. This me with food issues wants to feel love and support. But having expectations of what that should look like doesn’t always help.

Some people will not get it. They cannot understand for whatever reason.

Some people will so get it. They will confess they silently struggle with symptoms too.

And some will simply listen. They will eagerly ask questions to know more.

Maybe the trick with expectations is this. See the person in front of you. What “category” do they fit in?

The skeptical hearer?

The quiet fighter?

The intrigued learner?

It’s OK if someone you know well doesn’t understand your food limitations. And it’s a joy when someone surprises you and you find a new supporter. That’s one more friend to hear you, and one more source of encouragement along the way. Compare notes, share recipes, celebrate the community you have found.

And one more thing as we celebrate Thanksgiving and prepare for Christmas…it’s OK to take your own food to the family dinner. I’m writing this one to myself because it still feels awkward. I feel out of place and disconnected, but I want to feel well after the meal. And I want to enjoy the presence of family without compromising my health. I remember the tastiness of the special dishes and yummy casseroles. I miss them and wonder if I’ll be further down the road to healing next year. I can hope.

At the moment, I want you to enjoy everything for me and stop worrying about eating in front of me. I am more than used to it and the point isn’t the food. It’s being together.

A Story of Seeking Answers

Three years ago a new health battle began. I lived in a major fog throughout the month of July 2011. There was a lot I didn’t understand at that point. A lot of what felt like were mysterious symptoms and growing questions popped up. I knew something was off inside my body. This just was not normal.

So I went to see my doctor and said, “I think I’m having a thyroid issue. Or either I’m starting menopause very early…How do we check on these things?”

He said, “We will do some blood work and look at your numbers.”

Everything appeared to be OK.

I decided to go to my gynecologist next. Maybe it was my hormones. I had been on birth control pills for 7 years for medical reasons and finally realized the pill was creating more side effects than benefits. It was time to see how my body functioned without altering the monthly cycle. With the support of my doctor, I quit birth control in 2010. A few months later my cycle seemed to regulate itself. I was actually glad because that part of my body had never worked on its own. Goodbye, birth control!

When I returned in 2011, the doctor wanted to put me back on the pill. I didn’t like that option. I didn’t want to trick my hormones again unless it was absolutely necessary. I left and continued to research and figure out what my body was doing.

I still thought it was my thyroid. The whole time that was the only theory that made sense to me…

It explained many of my symptoms.

It explained the lack of concrete answers in the medical world.

It explained the constant feeling of fighting with my body.

I am not one to give up; I never have been. I was determined to find someone who could help me feel well again.

The season of endless follow-up appointments went on for months. I have found some answers and today I feel much better than the summer of 2011 when it all began.

This is my story of seeking answers — one question and one piece of the puzzle at the time — and my experience of returning to wholeness and health.